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PAFL The Football Geek

by the football geek, owner of a particular set of skills.

Season Separator
 Season 8
Still laughing from the 04/02/2021 writeup.

Just a quick note this week as week 14 nears.
I just noticed something. Pittsburgh and Jacksonville, both one and eleven, are the only teams that had a tied game all season long, and you know what that means, right?


I just can't stop laughing about this one. Nicely done fellas! I guess neither one of you had the heart to defeat the other.

In doing this report I noticed something else. Their only win --
Jacksonville defeated Cincinnati. Escuse me?  Shame shame shame.
Pittsburgh defeated the New York Giants. Wow! I am soooo sorry Ken.

Still laughing.
It's not just entertainment, It's educational

The San Diego Chargers knocked off another undefeated team. This time the Dallas Cowboys.  This is the second time Hank has managed this remarkable feat. Remarkable because in both cases he was a huge underdog, once doing it with an 0-8 record.
Think, David and Goliath. This has earned him the nickname of "Little ShinKicker."  Wait, shi- shi- shi-ttt- Yeah, we'll stay with Shinkicker.  Hank, you may now change your username in the chat area.

Upon hearing the news of the Dallas defeat, back to back Super Bowl champion, Kenny Main waved aside the notion of it benefiting himself and simply said, "I shant be concerned, I shall play my violin while Rome burns. My enemies shall be laid at my feet. So I have said. So shall it be done."

Upon hearing the news of the Dallas defeat, Doug Crandall nodded solemnly and allowed a lone tear to roll down his cheek. "I was hoping to meet him on the field of battle and perform that feat myself," he whispered, as he pulled an ancient Japanese sword from it's exquisitely decorated sheathe. The sword gleamed in the sunlight as he admired its brilliance, turning it from side to side, allowing the sun's rays to reflect in shimmering spikes from its razor-sharp edge.  "I was denied the privilege to perform that which had fallen to me as a sacred trust. I also lost to a PAFL team with an owner who spells their name the same forward as it is backward. I shall retire to my chamber of meditation and do what must now be done."

Upon hearing the news of the Dallas defeat, Bob Durfee held up a printout of league standings and pointed to his own record of 8-1 and pleaded to all,  "HEAR ME!  I belong in this club as well. I also deserved a chance to slay the, Lone Star Dragon."  When no one responded to his cries for respect, the printout slipped from his hand and floated across a soft breeze until it glided to rest on the ground, where Rick Main gleefully pissed on it and as he zipped up, shook his head ruefully and said, "Total bullshit,  Why do AFC guys always think they mean something?"

The rest of the league, the ones not so privileged to have only one loss, or as they prefer to be called, the '89.3 Percenters', Occupied Competition Avenue in Washington D.C, home of Paydirt's Worldwide headquarters. They stormed the building, breaking windows, knocking over trophies and smashing an assortment of Paydirt Football Dot Com awards.  Len, Jeff and their staff were photographed bravely brandishing firearms behind barricaded positions in one of the inner league offices.  Yes, they looked very  brave and very heroic. It was a great photo shoot.

When asked why Barnhart didn't order extra Capitol "League" Police protection after receiving threats beforehand, Barnhart said, "I didn't think it was a big deal.  I mean - the next best record of the protesters was 6-3. Deplorables, right?  What harm could they do?  But I am asking Congress to leave the National Guard in place for our protection until the Summer of 2025 to make sure it doesn't happen again. This will also give us the impression of being of greater importance than we actually are.  We are after all, according to me, the greatest thing to happen to online football gaming since 'I' invented the internet back in 1973.  Don't you agree, former vice president,  Al Gore?" who for some reason was standing closeby.
"I do," Al replied, "No, wait...What?"

When Len was ask to comment on the loss to San Diego, he said, "I lost on purpose to throw off Jeff's picks. I just couldn't stand the thought of him picking my game correctly.  Not Jeff - no way... no way."

It was later discovered that the firearms Lenny and the gang were holding were squirt guns and they were actually in another building altogether at the time of the intrusion and in no way in any kind of danger ...EVER.



Okay, so first of all, there's the big question of which NFC East team is best. Is it Dallas? Is it Philadelphia? Is it Carolina?
The answer is, LA Rams.

My expert analysis and insight follows. It's not just entertainment, It's educational

This week's comments by Paydirt Action Team owners

The road to easy street goes through, New York, New Orleans, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh and Oakland. It is paved, spacious, and unremarkable. -
Ken McFegan, Gregory Smith, Bill Howell, Shawn Studebaker, Pete Katsafanas, Walter Sienzant.

OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans
?  -Mark A Farrell

My team has a God-given killer instinct. -Eric Lindner, after the win over Carolina

When in doubt, punt!  -Gregory Smith

I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, important -like a league game or something. -Calvin Opheim

The PAFL makes the NFL look like a Tupperware party. -Doug Crandell, after his loss to Minnesota.

PAFL Football is not a matter of life and death. It's much more serious than that. -Kenny Main



It's week one and I've been holding out and now I've got a lot to say. So no more crap about where I am, where I've been or where I'm going. I do not hold back or play favorites so proper warnings apply. So if you're a snowflake who needs a safe space ---- Your safe space has a porcelain seat and you're probably the one who took a dump in my toilet's  tank. Sometimes called an "Upper-decker," this is a disgusting and unforgivable act. My toilet just keeps flushing brown.
I don't have a clue who you are, this despicable act happened during a party I was throwing, 
but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you and I will find you and you will pay for what you've done.
Some say I am bitter. I'm not bitter-
I'm better.
After the treatment.

My expert analysis and insight follows. It's not just entertainment, It's educational That's my new catch phrase. Oh, and don't expect this every week. Unlike most of you, I have a life!


After one week and one win, the Rams proclaim they will go streaking into a third straight PAFL Super Bowl.  Uniforms optional. "Don't look Ethel!"

Dallas won a close one against the Bengals. This puts Barnhart on pace to win the Super Bowl. Isn't that always the case with the Cowboys and their fans? Until it's not. Which is usually around week 2.

The Giants Fans don't know it yet, but Baker Mayfield's days as their starting quarterback are few. Look for Nate Sudfeld to claim the starting job at quarterback, much to the astonishment and frustration of the PAFL in general. This will place Ken McFegan on the hot seat amid claims he is throwing games for better draft picks. McFegan responds by saying, "I play to win games. Besides, Sudfeld deserves some playing time, just sayin'." Where have I heard this before?

At the time of this writing, the Atlanta/Minnesota game was yet to be played. I'm sure it is because the Vikings were shaking in their purple and yellow knee boots with bunny fur lining at the thought of facing Atlanta's excellent wideouts--NOT!  Certainly extra thought and preparation from Eric was needed. "SKOL" is that a chewing tobacco? Just a pinch between the cheek and gum? What happens if you add an 'e' to the end? Is is still pronounced the same? I'm pretty sure the meaning changes.

Washington coach, Andy Kirkwood was thrilled to find running back, Antonio Gibson's rookie card in mint condition. And after tough negotiations with the shop owner, a trade was agreed upon. The shop owner receives Andy's house, car, and old dog, Duke. In return, Andy gets the clear plastic slip that held the card..

Gregory Smith takes over the New Orleans Saints. Gregory has been equipped with an electronic ankle bracelet in hopes it will prevent him from disappearing from the known universe like every other, PAFL Saints owner.

The Steelers lost their week one game and are on pace for a 0-16 season. What? You disagree? Really? No you don't. You're just being nice for Pete's sake.
For Pete's sake -- get it? Oh, so now I'm the asshole? Get over it, for Pete's sake!

Doug Crandell has agreed to head up the new Paydirt Summer league, (PSAFL). Doug enjoys high praise and respect from across the Action PC Football community. This was one of the main reasons he was chosen for this task. Not for the reasons you might think, though. Len Barnhart was jealous of his popularity and was certain that after only a short period of time as a Paydirt Commissioner, Doug would be as hated and unpopular as Len himself. This seems to be working because I was hoping to get the PSAFL Commissioner job. So yes, now I hate Doug.
I can see it now. Commissioner Geek, king of the known Action PC universe. I would've ruled with an iron fist!. Oh, what could have been.

Steeler's owner, Pete Katsafanas has high hopes for a better season after only losing to Kansas City by a score of 3-9. "This gives us a lot of confidence for the new PAFL season," Pete said. "If we can keep this up a few more seasons, we can-" AND ZAP! - like every owner for the PAFL Saints, Pete vanished from the known universe in mid sentence. We wish him all the best.

On a side note, Pete Katsafanas was in a competition for who can be in the most online Action PC Football Leagues. Pete won with 182. That's six more leagues than actually exist worldwide, or even in the known universe for that matter. Congrats, Pete! You are breaking the physical laws of nature and the universe.
Hey Pete, can you find Keith or Sean? And if you are the one who caused an inter-dimensional tear in space/time, for Gregory's sake, please close it.  He's the new Saints owner.

Thank you and good night



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