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by the football geek, the owner of a particular set of skills.
It's week one and I've been holding out and now I've got a lot to say. So no more crap about where I am, where I've been or where I'm going. I do not hold back or play favorites so proper warnings apply. So if you're a snowflake who needs a safe space ---- Your safe space has a porcelain seat and you're probably the one who took a dump in my toilet's  tank. Sometimes called an "Upper-decker," this is a disgusting and unforgivable act. My toilet just keeps flushing brown.
I don't have a clue who you are, this despicable act happened during a party I was throwing,
but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you and I will find you and you will pay for what you've done.
Some say I am bitter. I'm not bitter-
I'm better.
After the treatment.

My expert analysis and insight follows. It's not just entertainment, It's educational That's my new catch phrase. Oh, and don't expect this every week. Unlike most of you, I have a life!


After one week and one win, the Rams proclaim they will go streaking into a third straight PAFL Super Bowl.  Uniforms optional. "Don't look Ethel!"

Dallas won a close one against the Bengals. This puts Barnhart on pace to win the Super Bowl. Isn't that always the case with the Cowboys and their fans? Until it's not. Which is usually around week 2.

The Giants Fans don't know it yet, but Baker Mayfield's days as their starting quarterback are few. Look for Nate Sudfeld to claim the starting job at quarterback, much to the astonishment and frustration of the PAFL in general. This will place Ken McFegan on the hot seat amid claims he is throwing games for better draft picks. McFegan responds by saying, "I play to win games. Besides, Sudfeld deserves some playing time, just sayin'." Where have I heard this before?

At the time of this writing, the Atlanta/Minnesota game was yet to be played. I'm sure it is because the Vikings were shaking in their purple and yellow knee boots with bunny fur lining at the thought of facing Atlanta's excellent wideouts--NOT!  Certainly extra thought and preparation from Eric was needed. "SKOL" is that a chewing tobacco? Just a pinch between the cheek and gum? What happens if you add an 'e' to the end? Is is still pronounced the same? I'm pretty sure the meaning changes.

Washington coach, Andy Kirkwood was thrilled to find running back, Antonio Gibson's rookie card in mint condition. And after tough negotiations with the shop owner, a trade was agreed upon. The shop owner receives Andy's house, car, and old dog, Duke. In return, Andy gets the clear plastic slip that held the card..

Gregory Smith takes over the New Orleans Saints. Gregory has been equipped with an electronic ankle bracelet in hopes it will prevent him from disappearing from the known universe like every other, PAFL Saints owner.

The Steelers lost their week one game and are on pace for a 0-16 season. What? You disagree? Really? No you don't. You're just being nice for Pete's sake.
For Pete's sake -- get it? Oh, so now I'm the asshole? Get over it, for Pete's sake!

Doug Crandell has agreed to head up the new Paydirt Summer league, (PSAFL). Doug enjoys high praise and respect from across the Action PC Football community. This was one of the main reasons he was chosen for this task. Not for the reasons you might think, though. Len Barnhart was jealous of his popularity and was certain that after only a short period of time as a Paydirt Commissioner, Doug would be as hated and unpopular as Len himself. This seems to be working because I was hoping to get the PSAFL Commissioner job. So yes, now I hate Doug.
I can see it now. Commissioner Geek, king of the known Action PC universe. I would've ruled with an iron fist!. Oh, what could have been.

Steeler's owner, Pete Katsafanas has high hopes for a better season after only losing to Kansas City by a score of 3-9. "This gives us a lot of confidence for the new PAFL season," Pete said. "If we can keep this up a few more seasons, we can-" AND ZAP! - like every owner for the PAFL Saints, Pete vanished from the known universe in mid sentence. We wish him all the best.

On a side note, Pete Katsafanas was in a competition for who can be in the most online Action PC Football Leagues. Pete won with 182. That's six more leagues than actually exist worldwide, or even in the known universe for that matter. Congrats, Pete! You are breaking the physical laws of nature and the universe.
Hey Pete, can you find Keith or Sean? And if you are the one who caused an inter-dimensional tear in space/time, for Gregory's sake, please close it.  He's the new Saints owner.

Thank you and good night.